And in the midst of all this it was a tough parenting week! Tough as in totally not knowing how to handle some of the silliest fights and complaints - tough to the point that it made you feel like screaming and throwing your hands up in the air and giving up! Yep,just plain tough! If you've never had a week like that consider yourself blessed! ;)
One day I actually thought that I could maybe be positive and think of a blessing in the middle of all the caos and so the thought came to mind that I am so thankful for a husband who comes home and can help me along and support me through the tough times....A husband that comes home...that is an incredible blessing! I can't imagine having to bear the load of child training alone. I thank God for Joel!
Although being positive and thankful is always good, it doesn't necessarily mean it takes away the blues! ;) Because it didn't do that for me. Friday I finally had a break down! I sat down and prayed and read some of the book that I'm reading through for my quiet time.
One area I struggled in lately was the area of "what can I do that is important? what can I do for God?What can I do that really matters and feels like I'm doing something valuable? Like I am of value to someone?
I love my children.I love them to pieces in fact! But sometimes I get tired of wiping dirty bottoms,answering a million questions, saying "no" to the point that it feels like the only word in my vocabulary,breaking up another fight, or keeping track of another time out.... and the list could go on.In my heart I knew all of this stuff was good but at times it seems so mundane - just blah - like I do it everyday over and over!
The last while I had dreams...dreams of 'some things' I really wanted to do, that at the time felt like it'd be important,like I would really be helping someone needy.And 'some of these things' I would love to do someday when the time is right - but Friday,Friday when I had my breakdown I prayed that God would help me be LIKE HIM.For me to live LIKE HIM.I don't remember my exact words but I was desperate.
And then I sat down to read my book. The book is amazing and I know I mentioned it before but if you've never read "Completely His" you may want to put it on your list.And as I began reading,God began speaking very clearly to me. And he brought to my mind Joel's lunch! ;) Yep,crazy! I know! speaking to me through a lunch!?
For those of you who don't know me, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT LIKE packing lunches! I would've loved to have Joel grab a bite to eat in town all the time (until I kinda figured the cost one time ;) ). But it really was a drag to me,to get up in the morning and pack his lunch! Mornings I don't always function well and even having to spread PB&J on a sandwich was sometimes to much! But the thought struck me -and it was definitley from God- that packing lunches and wiping bottoms is where I'm supposed to be right now! That every little action like that is indeed worship to God! (who would've thought!? ;) And that I need to be faithful in the small things before I can ever expect to be trusted with big things! And taking care of children is VERY important because we are raising these little people for His Kingdom.And that is important!
I know all of this is old news, things I knew before,things you know, but the struggle I went through gave it all a different meaning! It gave me renewed energy to pick up again and keep going and to pack those lunches to the best of my ability! ;)
When I die, and if the only words on my gravestone read "She was totally committed to God, the BEST MOMMY and WIFE in the world, who packed the most amazing lunches" I will be happy! Happy to know that I submitted my life to God to be used for His glory.
And as for the negative thoughts about myself and others,and how I probably could die and no one would miss me...God showed me in various ways last week that those thoughts were not true...but even if they were true,that it's ok! But to allow yourself to fester on negative thoughts like that is never a good idea!The devil had me right where he wanted me! Depressed and feeling blue
As I let all of this soak in and let God speak to me and get rid of the negativity, I felt happy.I still feel happy! And when hard times hit again, I can always look back on times like this and remember...remember that God is there and HE CARES!
I had a million other thoughts,thoughts and dreams that I won't bother writing about right now but I'm so thankful for things that God is bringing to my attention! Because these things He's speaking to me about are making me a better person through Him! I want to be a person that's committed to Him and what He has for my/our life.
On to other things... :)
Since we were traveling over Joel's birthday I felt like we never did get to celebrate the way I wanted to celebrate.My family had a little celebration for him but I didn't get to make him a special cake and he'd already accidently found his gift :/ (that was a bum deal but totally my fault!) So I decided when we came home that I would try to decorate some cupcakes and invite his sister and brother that live down here and their families and we'd have a 2nd celebration.I found the coolest golf cupcakes online that I thought would be fun to make.They weren't perfect but he enjoyed them.
I love that we get to have this life - our life. Thankful that God gave me the family and friends he did.I hope all of you have a awesome encouraging week! :)
The weather is so beautiful I'm thinking of going out and finding something to do outside.Why be inside when it's absolutely GORGEOUS outside!?
Love to all,