i'm sitting here. the house is quiet. the children are sleeping and i've been thinking of you so much!
the last few evenings i've missed you extra much. when I start thinking about how I can never pick up the phone and talk to you again...ever! it just sends a deep ache of missing you. i think of everything we won't get to do with you anymore.and it hurts.deeply.
i know you would have been thrilled to see braxton and his over the top excitement on entering first grade.he loves it.
every now and then he'll make a remark of something he can't tell you.
the other week he told me he wishes we could "die and go to heaven,die and go to heaven,die and go to heaven then come straight back down to earth."
what he was really saying is he would love to come see you but then he'd like to come right back.he loves his earthly life to much to think about staying in heaven forever :)
i knew you would get a kick out of that childish innocence.
hailey is growing into a real little lady. you should see her be a "mom" to madi.she loves madi! but she's pretty sure she doesn't want us to have another baby because then i'd have to take care of it.
she's scared of being deprived even more of her "mom time." :)
and she still talks about how we won't be able to see you at christmas. that was a big bummer to her because she was really excited about that!
it's a bummer to all of us!
and madi, well,for some reason i know without a doubt in my mind that you would sit back and laugh at how "harried" she makes me somedays!
she won't be left behind on anything.one moment she is so stinkin' sweet and the next moment...she's that stinkin' bad! :) aggressive is how someone described her. i'm pretty sure that fits her well.
yesterday out in that boat, we had to keep ahold of her.she would have got really close to taking a dive right into that lake!not much scares her.but one thing she doesn't like is height.
and yes, she still has her nippy! i know you teased me that 6 months was long enough for the "paci". but hey, you gotta do whatcha gotta do! :)
at the beginning of the year i chose "God is bigger than all my problems" as my theme song for the year, and you know dad...i had no idea!,i never even dreamt that God was gonna send us a "mountain" like he did.
losing you was such a blow.but like that song says, i know God is still bigger!
there is so much i would love to tell you.
i feel like i'm cheated.cheated of my time with you.and sometimes when i think of you,it hits me again.and i cry.i know crying is good.but it won't bring you back.i wish it would!
sometimes when me and joel are talking ,time and time again we say "i just can't believe it!I can't believe he's gone"
it doesn't seem real.
the fact that your gone.
we loved you so much!
we miss you.we always will.joel says our life will never be the same.and i know that's true!
but i just want you to know that we will be ok. all of us. mom is being so strong and i'm so proud of her. she misses you dreadfully.but someday...someday i know we will see you again!
i know without a doubt in my mind that you are enjoying heaven to the absolute fullest!
and i can't wish you back,because of the joy i know you are living.
i'll stop for now.i'll write to you again sometime.
i'll always love you!