The Cross,Grief and Christmas in Heaven

I'm not gonna lie. This Christmas season has proven to be extremely difficult!
One night last week I finally fell apart! 
I was crying to Joel, telling him how frustrating it is to me that I don't feel the Christmas Spirit this year, how I was dreading to face Christmas without dad and everything else that looked so horrible to me that night.
I was stretched,with way more than my weak self wanted to handle.
And those are the nights when grief seems to hit hard!

For so long I'd been thinking about Christmas and how it's going to be without dad, but I was able to kind of push it to the back of my mind.Now here we were, two weeks away from it and it hit me full force that this Christmas is going to be so different!

I'm usually one who LOVES Christmas! I like to pack our weeks with making chocolates and going to local nativity scenes or driving through lights.
I'm about making traditions with the family.
And I know, Christmas isn't about chocolates and lights and passing out goody plates, but it's fun, it adds to the spirit of Christmas.
But this year, EVERYTHING I was doing was taking much,much more effort. I just couldn't handle the stress of even the simplest things! And I was not okay with that.

 To top it off, in the few weeks before that I just felt like God was so far away. Or...more like I was so far away from God.I prayed but it seemed my prayers didn't go far.I wanted so much just to feel His presence. So one day I just kind of told God where I was at. I don't remember my prayer exactly but I think I asked to feel His presence.

I need Him.I wanted Him.

And God came through, just like he always does.

That night while I was laying there in grief, I was looking at the door leading to the bathroom, and I saw a perfect cross. It's been there all along,and maybe I noticed it before, but not like I did that night! God touched my heart.That cross to me meant Jesus.God's presence.God was showing me that even though Christmas seems kind of unChristmasy this year, I can still have Christmas in my heart.

And Christmas really is about The Cross! About what Jesus did for us.

This Christmas I'm especially thankful that Jesus was born and that we can have eternal life because of the cross!

And as I think of dad spending Christmas in heaven, I just wonder what it will be like.I know his Christmas is going to be a Christmas like he's never had before! Really, I think it's Christmas in Heaven year round! I know he's having a wonderful time like he's never had before! And I am so happy for him. So even though he will be missed this Christmas, I couldn't wish him back!

Merry Christmas to all of you! And let's remember, it's about the cross!

The Baby is 2!

We don't like to skip a birthday celebration, because around here birthdays here are a celebration of life.

But holiday birthdays can be an even bigger challenge to pull off! Here in our house we have two holiday birthdays. Joel is a Christmas baby.Yes, he is that special! ;) And Madi's birthday falls right around Thanksgiving and occasionally on the day. 

This year Thanksgiving found us headed to Ohio to spend the holiday with the Mast side of the family. We are quite a crowd anymore.There is definitely no lack of noise and action, at least on the children's part! ;) ;) 

This is all 4o something of us.

But like I was saying, we had a birthday to celebrate.Madi's 2 year mark was coming up.So the day after Thanksgiving we threw a little party for her.

If there ever was a child that loved life and all it's goodness, it's our Madi. She is such a ball of energy and full of mischief, but so much fun and giggles all at the same time! 

She is a lover of anything sweet, you name it.If it has sugar, good chance she might take it. 

She also loves bananas and oranges and grapes.

You try to get her to eat soup and that can be almost an impossibility at times!

Candy is still her favorite!

One night at 2:00 AM, I found this cute,mischievous,ball of energy in the kitchen, standing on the counter trying to get into the candy jars on top the fridge (and yes, you read right, that was 2:00 AM!) 

She definitely doesn't leave us lacking for action!

She loves her daddy, the outdoors, the chickens and the cats.

Her big siblings are her heros. 

She runs to Hailey if she wants to be pitied :) It really is so cute.Hailey is like a second mommy to her. But Madi also takes advantage of that and demands that Hailey fix her blanket, or  holds her hand or tickle her feet! :) I think they will be best friends in a few years.

She also loves to pray! Almost every night she wants to "pay" (pray). She then squeezes her eyes shut and whispers a  prayer for "mommy,dayee (daddy),Haya (Hailey) ,Bax (Braxton),Me (herself) :) " and then ends it with a hearty "min"(amen).

We can't imagine life without this little girl.As busy as she keeps us, we are still very thankful for her presence in our life. 

Sometimes when I'm weary of all the busyness and lots of times naughtiness right along with it :),  the thought just crosses my mind that I am so thankful that she is a healthy little girl with the ability to get around the way she does, even though it drains every good thing right out of me at times! :)

So my dear Madi girl, may you always face life with such energy and spunk! Someday I know that will be of good use to you :) We love you dearly.