Hey Dad,

I miss you.

This morning I would love to call you.

I'd love to hear your voice.

I'd love to hear you give me advice! (imagine that! :) :) )

The unfairness of life suddenly hit me... really hard.

I'm thinking you would probably tell me that's just how life is.

Life isn't always fair.

But I would still just really want to hear you say that...in person.

I know the things we face in life are always for our good.

Even if we don't see it.

They better us.Eventually.If we let them.

I got to watch you "handle life."

I got to watch you walk through the unfair things.

Really,really unfair things.

You did it with such grace and humbleness.

 I know that you did it with God.

Your life proves to me that it's possible.

So,I'm going to keep trying.

I'm going to try to accept the the unfairness...with grace and humbleness,just like you did.

To be perfectly honest,there's days when I totally don't want to try.

There's days I want to be ugly.

Days like today.

But I'm going to reach out to God.

 That's what you did.

And it worked.

I love you dad.I love the example you set for us.

Hailey has been talking about visiting your grave.

Remember how I told you she was so bummed that we won't see you at Christmas?

Well,she's accepting the fact that we won't see you in person,but she's really excited about visiting your grave. She's mentioned it the last two days now.

I'm sure we'll put on some pretty flowers.Not that you were really a flower guy or anything like that :)

 But it's therapy.

Making your grave look nice.

 It's something we love to do.

Because you deserve it.

Anyway,that's all for now.

I'm gonna go try to be mature and quit my pity party... just

like you'd want me to do :) :) and realize that life isn't fair.It never will be.

I think of you often! When I look at the beautiful clouds.

And I just think about how you get to see God do all of these wonderful things,how he commands the rain,and the storms,and everything beautiful that happens down here.

And I'm so happy that you get to enjoy all of that beauty and love!

Love ya always!

Living in the Moment

We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch
As it slips through our fingers like sand
Yesterdays gone and tomorrow may never come
But we have this moment, today

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living
Happy sounds from the laughter of children at play
Hold my hand as we walk through the sweet fragrant meadows
Making memories of what was today.

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling
For daddy to hear just what she has to say
My little boy running there by the hillside 
may never be quite like today.

Tender words,gentle touch and a good cup of coffee
And someone who loves me and wants me to stay
Hold them dear,while they're near and don't wait for tomorrow
To look back and wish for today.

Yesterdays gone and tomorrow may never come.But we have this moment,today.

Lately I have been feeling the need to slow down.To be present for the moment. 

I saw a quote the other day that said "wherever you are, be all there." 

Sometimes I am so guilty of only giving half of my attention to the person present with me. "mama,mama, answer me! I asked you three times already.mama?!" - Sound familiar?

Maybe I'm answering that text, or taking this call or maybe I'm checking facebook.Maybe it's balancing the checkbook or making the grocery list.I might be in the middle of getting supper on the table or wiping yet another spill.Or the house is upside down and it just has to be cleaned up...NOW.

Nothing wrong with any of those things and sometimes it really does have to be answered or cleaned now.

But God has been convicting me to get my priorities straight. To understand what needs to be done this minute and what on my list can actually wait.

Maybe that game of UNO with the children or the book that baby wants read to her NOW, or the neighbor that could use a little cheer,or the errand hubby really needs you to run, is more important and more kingdom worthy than a clean house or a supper served on time :)

Maybe you could say God is really convicting me. He's helping me see that in all of my "busy-ness" and stress I forget the really important things in life.

Sometimes I forget that I will never be able to live this day again. This minute,this second I will never get back.I may never live to see tomorrow.

When God convicts me I feel I need to take action. 

So here's to intentionally slowing down,kicking back and living in the moment.

I won't regret it.My family won't regret it.

God bless you all with a wonderful weekend!

Life

Life is not waiting for the storm to pass,

but learning to dance in the rain!

happy wednesday everyone!

(notice i didn't say happy humpday...oops, now i said it!)

Dear Daddy,

Dear Daddy,

i'm sitting here. the house is quiet. the children are sleeping and i've been thinking of you so much!

the last few evenings i've missed you extra much. when I start thinking about how I can never pick up the phone and talk to you again...ever! it just sends a deep ache of missing you. i think of everything we won't get to do with you anymore.and it hurts.deeply.

i know you would have been thrilled to see braxton and his over the top excitement on entering first grade.he loves it.

every now and then he'll make a remark of something he can't tell you.

the other week he told me he wishes we could "die and go to heaven,die and go to heaven,die and go to heaven then come straight back down to earth."

what he was really saying is he would love to come see you but then he'd like to come right back.he loves his earthly life to much to think about staying in heaven forever :)

i knew you would get a kick out of that childish innocence.

hailey is growing into a real little lady. you should see her be a "mom" to madi.she loves madi! but she's pretty sure she doesn't want us to have another baby because then i'd have to take care of it.

she's scared of being deprived even more of her "mom time." :)

and she still talks about how we won't be able to see you at christmas. that was a big bummer to her because she was really excited about that!

it's a bummer to all of us!

and madi, well,for some reason i know without a doubt in my mind that you would sit back and laugh at how "harried" she makes me somedays!

she won't be left behind on anything.one moment she is so stinkin' sweet and the next moment...she's that stinkin' bad! :) aggressive is how someone described her. i'm pretty sure that fits her well.

yesterday out in that boat, we had to keep ahold of her.she would have got really close to taking a dive right into that lake!not much scares her.but one thing she doesn't like is height.

and yes, she still has her nippy! i know you teased me that 6 months was long enough for the "paci". but hey, you gotta do whatcha gotta do! :)

at the beginning of the year i chose "God is bigger than all my problems" as my theme song for the year, and you know dad...i had no idea!,i never even dreamt that God was gonna send us a "mountain" like he did.

losing you was such a blow.but like that song says, i know God is still bigger!

there is so much i would love to tell you.

i feel like i'm cheated.cheated of my time with you.and sometimes when i think of you,it hits me again.and i cry.i know crying is good.but it won't bring you back.i wish it would!

sometimes when me and joel are talking ,time and time again we say  "i just can't believe it!I can't believe he's gone"

it doesn't seem real.

the fact that your gone.

we loved you so much!

we miss you.we always will.joel says our life will never be the same.and i know that's true!

but i just want you to know that we will be ok. all of us. mom is being so strong and i'm so proud of her. she misses you dreadfully.but someday...someday i know we will see you again!

i know without a doubt in my mind that you are enjoying heaven to the absolute fullest! 

and i can't wish you back,because of the joy i know you are living.

i'll stop for now.i'll write to you again sometime.

i'll always love you!

~staci